Ok boys, we know. Watching porn is probably part of your regular routine. But, most women rarely watch it, if at all.
Have you ever wondered why your lady doesn't spend hours scouring the internet looking for dirty movies like you do? Have you asked her to watch with you and have found it turns you on but leaves her cold? Here are some of the reasons why she doesn't like porn like you do....
Porn is Visual
Most porn is geared to appeal to the senses of the men in the world. A man's sexuality is cued by visual stimulation, while a woman's is more emotional. This is why the very little porn that is made for women is more story-line based, as opposed to arbitrary sex scenes. For women, it is more important that the sex be part of the bigger picture. In porn, foreplay is a foreign language and the actors jump straight into the (often extreme) sex.
Porn Actors are Ugly
Let's be honest: the only important part of the male anatomy in porn is the penis. Which is why there are very few attractive men in porn. In fact some male actors are down right ugly (Ron Jeremy, anyone?) And when it comes to female actors not many women out there appreciate the fake boobs, the collagen filled lips, and the stick thin figures.
Porn is Contrived
Women are less tolerant of the situations shown in porn. More often than not the people having sex on the screen don't even seem to like each other. The old "in and out" may be good enough for you, but it won't be for her. She will likely respond better to characters that actually seem to like each other. She won't be expecting Oscar worthy performances from these actors, but a little sexual tension can go a long way.
Porn is Degrading
There are somethings you have to watch in porn because your girlfriend would never agree to do them in real life, right? And it is probably those things she finds degrading and disgusting. Most women do not enjoy facials, rough anal, ATM, or gagging oral, so you watch porn to "get" those things.
Porn is Slutty
Women are not as encouraged as men are to be sexual. For fear of being called nasty names women are hesitant to show too much sex drive or to admit to getting pleasure from things like pornography. If she is reluctant to watch porn because she thinks its slutty, ease her into it with something more geared toward couples, or women.
She's Just Not That Into It
There are many things about porn that do not play to the woman's senses, they don't mesh with a woman's sexuality. Which is why many women don't watch porn. If you know what she likes and are willing to put in some effort you may just find something you can enjoy and share on screen. Just a suggestion: lean more towards erotica, it will play more to our sexuality.
....Why women prefer erotica....
You may be wondering what the difference is. Porn is a graphic sexual image, that conjures up an animalistic reaction. You'll like it or you won't. Erotica is also a graphic sexual image, but it has more to it than just the raw sex - be it artistic, be it passion, or it may parlay into a sexual fantasy you imagined for yourself. It is less in your face.
As I mentioned earlier we prefer story lines, foreplay and a bit of romance, which we don't get from traditional porn. Erotica gives that to us. And if we happen to like our erotica in book form you can imagine the scenarios anyway you like in your head. You can imagine yourself being there. You can see the stories in your mind, imagine them playing out, taking shape and unfolding. In porn, its all laid out for you. There is no imagination. It is already in your face.
Porn is generally made for men. It serves its purpose just fine for you. But erotica goes deeper than that. It appeals more to women. It is for women, often written by women.
There is a story, there is often a bit of romance, and there is definitely sexual tension. All these things cue directly to a woman's sexuality.
xoxo
L
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
New Things Men Don't Know About Women
Not necessarily related to the overall topic of this blog, but fun and entertaining just the same....
1) We get to pick the baby names, and it won't be your mother's maiden name. McNamara is a terrible name for a baby.
2) One of the most chivalrous things you can do is let us have the last piece of bacon.
3) Black coffee is sexy. Bringing us black coffee in bed is sexy too.
4) We kinda wish we could chest bump too.
5) "What would Chuck Norris Do?" is not a logical nor rational way of thinking.
6) Make your bed on a daily basis and change your sheets once a week. That odd goat-like smell you get will remind us of our smelly little brothers and will therefore mean you will be sleeping alone.
7) We like beer too, but don't let it take up too much room in our fridges. If you want chilled beer all the time get a mini fridge.
8) Flowers are great, but its not always just the flowers themselves. Giving us flowers shows you were thinking of us, and we love that.
9) When we ask how we look you lose points everytime you answer with "fine".
10) If we can make it through the entire first date without seeing what color your phone case is, there is a chance we may just fall in love.
11) If you call the movies "the cinema" we will laugh. And laugh some more.
12) We like being asked on a proper date.
13) Shoes always fit, which explains the constantly full closets.
14) Snuggling can fix just about anything. Really, it can.
15) If we're at a sports bar during a big game, don't hit on us. We're watching the game.
16) While the idea is a romantic one please don't write us poetry or music, unless writing is part of your regular job description.
17) We love that you are stronger than us and can reach stuff off the top shelf.
18) A deep voice. Some stubble. Yum.
xoxo
L
1) We get to pick the baby names, and it won't be your mother's maiden name. McNamara is a terrible name for a baby.
2) One of the most chivalrous things you can do is let us have the last piece of bacon.
3) Black coffee is sexy. Bringing us black coffee in bed is sexy too.
4) We kinda wish we could chest bump too.
5) "What would Chuck Norris Do?" is not a logical nor rational way of thinking.
6) Make your bed on a daily basis and change your sheets once a week. That odd goat-like smell you get will remind us of our smelly little brothers and will therefore mean you will be sleeping alone.
7) We like beer too, but don't let it take up too much room in our fridges. If you want chilled beer all the time get a mini fridge.
8) Flowers are great, but its not always just the flowers themselves. Giving us flowers shows you were thinking of us, and we love that.
9) When we ask how we look you lose points everytime you answer with "fine".
10) If we can make it through the entire first date without seeing what color your phone case is, there is a chance we may just fall in love.
11) If you call the movies "the cinema" we will laugh. And laugh some more.
12) We like being asked on a proper date.
13) Shoes always fit, which explains the constantly full closets.
14) Snuggling can fix just about anything. Really, it can.
15) If we're at a sports bar during a big game, don't hit on us. We're watching the game.
16) While the idea is a romantic one please don't write us poetry or music, unless writing is part of your regular job description.
17) We love that you are stronger than us and can reach stuff off the top shelf.
18) A deep voice. Some stubble. Yum.
xoxo
L
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Babes in Toy(less)land
That would be me. I'm toyless. Always have been. Don't always want to be.
I have friends that have them, and openly admit to having them and openly discuss having them and using them. I don't necessarily feel like I'm being left out of the conversation, but I do perhaps feel like I may be missing out on a little something-something when it comes to my solo sessions (oh c'mon...you know you do it too!).
And why haven't I grabbed the bull by the horns and gone in search of a toy of my very own? Well, you see, I'm too chicken shit to just wander into our local sex shop. Order online? Yeah, I'm convinced I'm going to be the poor sucker who gets the box on her doorstep labeled DILDO. I know I know, they all preach about discrete packaging....but what if something goes horribly wrong and THAT happens to me? I'd be mortified.
And the whole concept of toy shopping is intimidating. So many shapes, sizes, colors, sounds and funny names.....sensory overload! I have, however, been reading up on different toys, and how to go about procuring one of my very own. I came across a few great points, so here I am to share them with you...just in case there is someone else out there in the same toyless boat I'm in.
1) Find a store you like. The days of dimly lit, cavernous sex shops have gone by the wayside. Research it online. Familiarize yourself with their products: asking questions about that purple vibrator stands a good chance of being embarrassing (for you, not them) so get acquainted with their stuff first.
2) Decide what kind of stimulation you like. Most of the options out there fall into one of these categories: internal, external, dual. Most women need some external stimulation to orgasm so a dual may be a good first option.
3) Quality and Price. There is a wide array of options out there. Just know you don't have to break the bank to find a toy that makes you squeal. There are a few things to keep in mind, however: How quiet is the toy? (you don't want the roommates or the neighbours thinking you've suddenly taken a liking to late night woodworking projects); Does the toy come with a warranty? (yes, toys break. And the last thing you want is your toy breaking right before a killer orgasm); How is the toy powers? (is it battery operated? Does it plug into the wall? Is it rechargeable?). Figure out what would work best for you then go from there.
4) Have fun! Plan a solo date for you and your new toy. Pour yourself a glass of wine, and have fun!
This makes toy shopping seem slightly less daunting, though I can safely say I likely won't be venturing out on my own hunt any time soon (remember that thing about me being a chicken shit?). I'm thinking online will be the way to go for me, as soon as I get over that box-on-the-doorstep fear thing I've got going on.
Anyone else out there got any pointers for shopping for your first sex toy?
xoxo
L
I have friends that have them, and openly admit to having them and openly discuss having them and using them. I don't necessarily feel like I'm being left out of the conversation, but I do perhaps feel like I may be missing out on a little something-something when it comes to my solo sessions (oh c'mon...you know you do it too!).
And why haven't I grabbed the bull by the horns and gone in search of a toy of my very own? Well, you see, I'm too chicken shit to just wander into our local sex shop. Order online? Yeah, I'm convinced I'm going to be the poor sucker who gets the box on her doorstep labeled DILDO. I know I know, they all preach about discrete packaging....but what if something goes horribly wrong and THAT happens to me? I'd be mortified.
And the whole concept of toy shopping is intimidating. So many shapes, sizes, colors, sounds and funny names.....sensory overload! I have, however, been reading up on different toys, and how to go about procuring one of my very own. I came across a few great points, so here I am to share them with you...just in case there is someone else out there in the same toyless boat I'm in.
1) Find a store you like. The days of dimly lit, cavernous sex shops have gone by the wayside. Research it online. Familiarize yourself with their products: asking questions about that purple vibrator stands a good chance of being embarrassing (for you, not them) so get acquainted with their stuff first.
2) Decide what kind of stimulation you like. Most of the options out there fall into one of these categories: internal, external, dual. Most women need some external stimulation to orgasm so a dual may be a good first option.
3) Quality and Price. There is a wide array of options out there. Just know you don't have to break the bank to find a toy that makes you squeal. There are a few things to keep in mind, however: How quiet is the toy? (you don't want the roommates or the neighbours thinking you've suddenly taken a liking to late night woodworking projects); Does the toy come with a warranty? (yes, toys break. And the last thing you want is your toy breaking right before a killer orgasm); How is the toy powers? (is it battery operated? Does it plug into the wall? Is it rechargeable?). Figure out what would work best for you then go from there.
4) Have fun! Plan a solo date for you and your new toy. Pour yourself a glass of wine, and have fun!
This makes toy shopping seem slightly less daunting, though I can safely say I likely won't be venturing out on my own hunt any time soon (remember that thing about me being a chicken shit?). I'm thinking online will be the way to go for me, as soon as I get over that box-on-the-doorstep fear thing I've got going on.
Anyone else out there got any pointers for shopping for your first sex toy?
xoxo
L
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The low down on his down there parts
The penis. 'Tis a mysterious organ. What with all its super powers and whatnot. And chances are you are already a fan. But because you do not have that certain appendage yourself it can be hard to understand how to get - and keep - it happy. So, the more you understand how it works the more connected you'll both be.
There are a few things that penises would like us ladies to know. So, if we could give the penis a voice, this is what it would say:
"Ditch the ruler"
When a man first makes the big reveal it may not be love at first sight, but do keep in mind that most penises end up being about the same size in length when they are at attention, regardless of the size they are when soft. On average a flaccid penis is four inches, while a soldier at attention is six. Even those that are a bit smaller than the four catch up in the end.
"Try anything, I'm not that picky....I swear"
I'm sure your guy will appreciate whatever move you bust out, even if its a complicated move taken straight from that Kama Sutra book you hide in your nightstand. But you don't really have to break a sweat to get him off.
The penis responds dramatically to direct touch. It is delightfully sensitive, especially around the head, where Mother Nature cleverly placed the primary nerve endings that produce his arousal and orgasm. Exactly what kind of touch will do the trick depends widely on the guy. Some like a firm, even rough, touch, while others prefer a more gentle, rhythmic touch. Some enjoy the friction of a dry touch, while others prefer a more moist touch. The point is, the penis will be greatful for any kind of attention it receives. So don't be shy, experiment with different degrees of firmness and speed.
"You can help me when I'm nervous"
There isn't much more that can flatline between the sheets action than performance anxiety. And 9 times out of 10 the issue with this lies between his ears not his legs.
Self-doubt travels from the brain to the penis in record time. So whether you're with him for the first time (you're an unfamiliar partner) or he feels pressure to measure up to some hypothetical sexual standard, his little buddy may let him down.
If you sense your guy is starting to tense up, encourage him to tell you about it. Him knowing you're accepting of him will greatly help. You can do your part by calming him down, reassuring him and taking the pressure off. If that doesn't work try again, and again. (and again.)
"I like it hot"
So its a good thing most couples honeymoon in Hawaii and not Northern Siberia. When the penis gets hit with cold air or cold water (or even cool lube) the skin contracts, the scrotal sac shrinks and the testicals retract.
"I rise and shine"
Morning sex is a great way to bust out of your normal bedroom routine (not to knock a morning jog) and its a pretty great wake up call. It clears the tension and shakes the cob webs off you both. And the good news: your guy's penis is actually wired for it. A lot of men prefer morning sex because of their so called morning-wood. Be assured that after a morning roll in the hay you'll both like what you see in the mirror - and you've set right tone for the day!
xoxo
L
There are a few things that penises would like us ladies to know. So, if we could give the penis a voice, this is what it would say:
"Ditch the ruler"
When a man first makes the big reveal it may not be love at first sight, but do keep in mind that most penises end up being about the same size in length when they are at attention, regardless of the size they are when soft. On average a flaccid penis is four inches, while a soldier at attention is six. Even those that are a bit smaller than the four catch up in the end.
"Try anything, I'm not that picky....I swear"
I'm sure your guy will appreciate whatever move you bust out, even if its a complicated move taken straight from that Kama Sutra book you hide in your nightstand. But you don't really have to break a sweat to get him off.
The penis responds dramatically to direct touch. It is delightfully sensitive, especially around the head, where Mother Nature cleverly placed the primary nerve endings that produce his arousal and orgasm. Exactly what kind of touch will do the trick depends widely on the guy. Some like a firm, even rough, touch, while others prefer a more gentle, rhythmic touch. Some enjoy the friction of a dry touch, while others prefer a more moist touch. The point is, the penis will be greatful for any kind of attention it receives. So don't be shy, experiment with different degrees of firmness and speed.
"You can help me when I'm nervous"
There isn't much more that can flatline between the sheets action than performance anxiety. And 9 times out of 10 the issue with this lies between his ears not his legs.
Self-doubt travels from the brain to the penis in record time. So whether you're with him for the first time (you're an unfamiliar partner) or he feels pressure to measure up to some hypothetical sexual standard, his little buddy may let him down.
If you sense your guy is starting to tense up, encourage him to tell you about it. Him knowing you're accepting of him will greatly help. You can do your part by calming him down, reassuring him and taking the pressure off. If that doesn't work try again, and again. (and again.)
"I like it hot"
So its a good thing most couples honeymoon in Hawaii and not Northern Siberia. When the penis gets hit with cold air or cold water (or even cool lube) the skin contracts, the scrotal sac shrinks and the testicals retract.
"I rise and shine"
Morning sex is a great way to bust out of your normal bedroom routine (not to knock a morning jog) and its a pretty great wake up call. It clears the tension and shakes the cob webs off you both. And the good news: your guy's penis is actually wired for it. A lot of men prefer morning sex because of their so called morning-wood. Be assured that after a morning roll in the hay you'll both like what you see in the mirror - and you've set right tone for the day!
xoxo
L
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