Babes in Toy(less)land

That would be me. I'm toyless. Always have been. Don't always want to be.

I have friends that have them, and openly admit to having them and openly discuss having them and using them. I don't necessarily feel like I'm being left out of the conversation, but I do perhaps feel like I may be missing out on a little something-something when it comes to my solo sessions (oh c'mon...you know you do it too!).

And why haven't I grabbed the bull by the horns and gone in search of a toy of my very own? Well, you see, I'm too chicken shit to just wander into our local sex shop. Order online? Yeah, I'm convinced I'm going to be the poor sucker who gets the box on her doorstep labeled DILDO. I know I know, they all preach about discrete packaging....but what if something goes horribly wrong and THAT happens to me? I'd be mortified.

And the whole concept of toy shopping is intimidating. So many shapes, sizes, colors, sounds and funny names.....sensory overload! I have, however, been reading up on different toys, and how to go about procuring one of my very own. I came across a few great points, so here I am to share them with you...just in case there is someone else out there in the same toyless boat I'm in.

1) Find a store you like. The days of dimly lit, cavernous sex shops have gone by the wayside. Research it online. Familiarize yourself with their products: asking questions about that purple vibrator stands a good chance of being embarrassing (for you, not them) so get acquainted with their stuff first.

2) Decide what kind of stimulation you like. Most of the options out there fall into one of these categories: internal, external, dual. Most women need some external stimulation to orgasm so a dual may be a good first option.

3) Quality and Price. There is a wide array of options out there. Just know you don't have to break the bank to find a toy that makes you squeal. There are a few things to keep in mind, however: How quiet is the toy? (you don't want the roommates or the neighbours thinking you've suddenly taken a liking to late night woodworking projects); Does the toy come with a warranty? (yes, toys break. And the last thing you want is your toy breaking right before a killer orgasm); How is the toy powers? (is it battery operated? Does it plug into the wall? Is it rechargeable?). Figure out what would work best for you then go from there.

4) Have fun! Plan a solo date for you and your new toy. Pour yourself a glass of wine, and have fun!

This makes toy shopping seem slightly less daunting, though I can safely say I likely won't be venturing out on my own hunt any time soon (remember that thing about me being a chicken shit?). I'm thinking online will be the way to go for me, as soon as I get over that box-on-the-doorstep fear thing I've got going on.

Anyone else out there got any pointers for shopping for your first sex toy?

xoxo
L

The low down on his down there parts

The penis. 'Tis a mysterious organ. What with all its super powers and whatnot. And chances are you are already a fan. But because you do not have that certain appendage yourself it can be hard to understand how to get - and keep - it happy. So, the more you understand how it works the more connected you'll both be.

There are a few things that penises would like us ladies to know. So, if we could give the penis a voice, this is what it would say:

"Ditch the ruler"
When a man first makes the big reveal it may not be love at first sight, but do keep in mind that most penises end up being about the same size in length when they are at attention, regardless of the size they are when soft. On average a flaccid penis is four inches, while a soldier at attention is six. Even those that are a bit smaller than the four catch up in the end.

"Try anything, I'm not that picky....I swear"
I'm sure your guy will appreciate whatever move you bust out, even if its a complicated move taken straight from that Kama Sutra book you hide in your nightstand. But you don't really have to break a sweat to get him off.
The penis responds dramatically to direct touch. It is delightfully sensitive, especially around the head, where Mother Nature cleverly placed the primary nerve endings that produce his arousal and orgasm. Exactly what kind of touch will do the trick depends widely on the guy. Some like a firm, even rough, touch, while others prefer a more gentle, rhythmic touch. Some enjoy the friction of a dry touch, while others prefer a more moist touch. The point is, the penis will be greatful for any kind of attention it receives. So don't be shy, experiment with different degrees of firmness and speed.

"You can help me when I'm nervous"
There isn't much more that can flatline between the sheets action than performance anxiety. And 9 times out of 10 the issue with this lies between his ears not his legs.
Self-doubt travels from the brain to the penis in record time. So whether you're with him for the first time (you're an unfamiliar partner) or he feels pressure to measure up to some hypothetical sexual standard, his little buddy may let him down.
If you sense your guy is starting to tense up, encourage him to tell you about it. Him knowing you're accepting of him will greatly help. You can do your part by calming him down, reassuring him and taking the pressure off. If that doesn't work try again, and again. (and again.)

"I like it hot"
So its a good thing most couples honeymoon in Hawaii and not Northern Siberia. When the penis gets hit with cold air or cold water (or even cool lube) the skin contracts, the scrotal sac shrinks and the testicals retract.

"I rise and shine"
Morning sex is a great way to bust out of your normal bedroom routine (not to knock a morning jog) and its a pretty great wake up call. It clears the tension and shakes the cob webs off you both. And the good news: your guy's penis is actually wired for it. A lot of men prefer morning sex because of their so called morning-wood. Be assured that after a morning roll in the hay you'll both like what you see in the mirror - and you've set right tone for the day!


xoxo
L

Keep It Hot

So you and your partner have been together for awhile. You would think that things in the sack would get better and hotter as time goes by, right? Um....not quite. In fact things are likely to go in the opposite direction as comfort sets in. Things tend to flatline after awhile for many couples. Want to learn how to put some bang back into banging? Keep reading....

Try Anything Once.
Some couples have a pact that nothing is off limits for trying at least once. So, why not give it a shot. Be open and willing. Make sure you let your partner know that they don't have to do it again after this time if they don't want to. And be willing to do the same when the roles reverse.

Novelty ignites passion and triggers your brain's response to release the horomones that are linked to romance and sex drive. So if you keep doing things that are new and different you stand a better chance of sustaining the romance.

Pump It Up.
Exercise is good for you in many ways. Vigorous activities release endorphines which boost your mood and relax you. In the 40mins following exercise your skin temperature is elevated making your more sensitive to touch. After exercise your brain and body are likely to be in a state of hyperarousal. So take advantage of it!

Game on.
Remember those teenage games of Truth or Dare and Sping the Bottle? Yeah, embrace them again. Only not quite so innocently this time. Studies have actually shown that silly games lead to crazy sex. Didn't catch that? Ok, I said being silly leads to CRAZY SEX. Get creative with your game closet. Use Scrabble points for 2-mins of "sexual favors". Most importantly, have fun with it!

Schedule It.
Ok, I'm not saying to schedule sex at 8:00 every Wednesday evening. What I am saying is make it a point to, maybe, spend an hour laying in bed together on a Sunday morning. You may just lay there and chat, or you may rock the sheets like a porn star. Either way, you're connecting. Sometimes a quickie is good, but sometimes it is also better to take the time to enjoy eachother.

Happy Sexing!
xoxo
L

Sexting

Guys, we know you like it. In length and in detail. We, however, are not as big of fans. You like to tell us EVERY. SINGLE. THING. you want to do to us and you want done to you. Believe me when I tell you the novelty of such messages will wear itself out by the time she pushes the 'send' button for the second time.

If you feel you must sext there are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Do not send her a message if you are unsure of her location. If you know she's in a board meeting, that would be a bad time. Visiting great aunt Agnes, also a bad time.



2. Do not send her a message if you are unsure the gesture will be welcomed.



3. Do not send her a message if you have not yet actually had sex together. Baaaaad idea.



4. Descriptions are generally a better idea than images.

You take a risk when you decide to send a sext. You've now just stated your sexual intent to the girl you are pursuing. And it now has the potential to blow up in your face. So, before you take a pic of your member and send it to her, please keep reading for some tips on how to reduce the "blowing up in face" odds....

Don't sext anything you wouldn't actually say. The ability to communicate electronically has given the world a little extra bravado when it comes to what we say. It is easier to say something we normally wouldn't say via text or email than it would be to say it face to face. Do keep that in mind. If you can't/won't actually say it to her do not sext it. Remember, that message leaves a technological footprint and could come back to haunt you. (don't believe me, ask Brett Favre).

Do not send unsolicited sexts. Just because she gave you her number does not mean you now have free rein to lay it on. You have to gauge whether or not a lady is open to flirting just as you have to gauge her openness to sexting. Start off slowly. Flirt by text and gradually build up if she seems receptive. And do not sext her if you haven't sexed her in real life.

Use words, not pictures. Remember that blowing up in your face thing I mentioned? Yeah...don't forget it. You have a better chance if you just use your words. Trust me I do not want to see a pic of your junk flash across the screen of my phone (this is also where checking her location comes in handy. She really doesn't need or want the president of her company seeing that pop up either). Our sexuality is largely mental, less visual. We know you guys are visual creatures so therefore you think we are too. While we are and can be, it is more about the mental stimulation. Share your ideas about what we can do later when we're together, build up the anticipation. Don't just take pictures of your stuff and send them to us. This is why porn works for you and less for us. A picture of a woman's rack will do more for you than a pic of your pride and joy will do for us. We want the whole package, from your head to your toes.

Now, all that said I will humour your sexting attempts unless/until the pics of your manlihood start coming in, and/or it gets to be too vulgar. No, this isn't because it upsets my delicate lady senses. This is because it doesn't do much for me. Instead try sending a message like:

"I saw you leave the house in the skirt you know I like. And now I can't get you off my mind. Can't wait to see you later."

This tells me you've noticed me and you're now thinking about me. And it is also suggestive of what could happen when we get home later. THIS will likely get you further than sending a pic of your nether regions with a message saying "I want to fuck your brains out". See the difference? A slightly suggestive message goes further for us, and therefore for will have a better chance of going further for you.

xoxo
L

Make-up Sex

You've had a long day at the office, spent far too long sitting in rush hour traffic. You walk through the door greeted by a dog that needs to pee, kids that need to be fed and a stack of bills that need to be paid. Then your partner goes and says or does something that pisses you off. It on top of everything you just dealt with and that needs to be dealt with throws you both into an argument of epic proportions.

Having make-up sex after a long, gut wrenching argument makes it all worthwhile. In fact it is a great way for couples to reconnect.

Think about it: you've laid all your cards on the table, you put it all out there. What could possibly be better than pure, raw, angry, animalistic sex. I bet that got your attention, didn't it?

The line between anger and sexual excitement is a thin one. For most people pent up aggression, like sexual frustration, needs to be let out every so often. So once she's unleashed her aggression why not make use of that energy and jump her bones.

Be warned, however, she may not want you to touch her right away. In fact, expect that reaction. She may even slap you in the face. If she does ask her if it makes her feel better. If she says yes, well, tell her to do it again....and if she does smack you again take it like a man. After she's done, or if she doesn't slap you, grab her face and kiss her hard and deeply. Don't let all her anger dissolve, though. You want her angry AND horny.

I do not, however, suggest picking a fight just so you can reap the benefits of reconciliation sex. However, the next time you two have a heated argument use some of that vulnerable, raw emotion in the bedroom. Man up. Take the bull by the horns and show her just how sorry you really are. Oh, the argument wasn't your fault? Show her anyway.

xoxo
L

Movie Sex Myths

Remember how you've likely heard a dozen times "don't believe everything you read"? Well, don't believe everything you see on the big screen...

Pool sex is awesome and shower sex is possible. Both, false.
Pool sex is tricky because the water totally destroys any lubrication.
And shower sex is not nearly as easy as it looks in the movies. The floor is slippery so it is almost impossible to brace yourself against a wall. And that thing about water destroying lube? Also true for showers.

Women regularly scream and holler and praise the lord during the act means they love it.
Yes, sometimes we're loud during sex. Enthusiastically so. And it is sometimes because we're totally loving it. But sometimes it is more about making you happy and helping you along than it is about our own pleasure.

The penis is the key to her pleasure.
Um, no. If you think that all you need to please her is dangling between your legs you are going to leave her bored, sore and disappointed.

Sex is beautiful.
Ok look. Sex is great. But it is also messy and sometimes totally unexpected things happen. I'm talking unladylike noises, and sweat slippage. You get the idea.

Whipped cream bikinis and chocolate syrup are great addtions to sexual activities.
No. No they're not. At least not all the time. If you're into sticky sex, great. But the gooey clean up afterwards does not sound appealing to me at all.

Women want to cuddle for hours after.
Ok, most of us want cuddling afterwards. But really the first thing on most of our minds is finding our panties (where did they go anyway?) and running to the bathroom.

xoxo
L

Happy Orgasm Week!

(pretty sure it was last week...but better late than never!)

And really, WHO KNEW?