Deep Down

Hi folks....yes, it has been a while since the blog has been updated.  Life happens, it seems.  And here I am, over a year later, with a new post.

Deep Throating.

Guys, you dig it.  A lot it seems. 
And us gals dig that you dig it.  But let me let you in on a little secret:  it can be uncomfortable for us.  Not always, but the possibility is definitely there.

It seems that you guys are just happy that we're down in that vicinity that you sometimes tend to just go for broke.  I'm happy to give you a BJ, but if you want DT you're going to have to play nicely.

So, let me fill you in on why a bit of patience can work wonders....

We have this little thing called a gag reflex.  It is an automatic response that our bodies have to prevent us from choking.  So, if you just ram your little soldier down our throat, well, that gag reflex kicks in.  This is something to be respectful of if your member is above average in size (and even if it is "just" average).  If you are long and you have girth, well, odds are you're going to trigger the reflex which isn't so much fun for us.  So if you make an effort to play nicely, we're more likely to want to play nicely back.

I was recently with a guy who says he likes it when I gag.  Apparently it feels good to him, and it plays to the notion that his mini-me is THAT big that the only way to get it down is for me to gag it down.

Whatever does it for you guys. 

But guys here's the thing, when you've got your willy in our throat is is damn near impossible for us to breathe.  So, when we start pulling back that is not a cue for you to ram it further.  We need oxygen too ya know!

Slow and steady is a good way to go.  This is not the time to go all carpe diem on us. If you just ram it down there, to put it bluntly, it hurts.  So forget what you've seen in countless porn videos.  Don't just grab a handful of our hair and go for broke.  That isn't quite how it works in real life. 

So, because we know you enjoy it, here are some tips for the ladies to help:

Mind Over Matter.  Seriously.  If you're convinced you're going to gag (and possibly vomit) then you probably will.  So, relax.  If you're tense you won't be able to fully open your throat.

Position.  Position yourself in away that allows you to create a straight line from your mouth down your throat.  Many find hanging your head over the edge of the bed to be a good position.

Lube.  No, don't grab a tube of KY and lube him up (not sure how great that would taste), but make sure your mouth is wet and you've got him good and wet before you let him try to slide it back there.

Practice.  Really.  Get used to your gag reflex by brushing the back of your tongue with your toothbrush.  Get used to where your reflex kicks in and eventually you'll learn how to get past it.  When you're giving him a BJ take him in further to the back of your mouth.  If you feel your reflex kick in hold him there as long as you can.  This will eventually build up your resistance.   You're not going to be the Deep Throat Master your first time trying.  Take your time.  You'll get there.  

And an added bonus:

Let's be honest, most guys want us to swallow their stuff.  And to be even more honest, it doesn't really taste all that great.  So, once you've got him fully down your throat and he shoots off, he'll miss your taste buds.  Win-win for you both!

xo
L

Pucker Up

Do you remember the fireworks you (hopefully) felt the first time you kissed your partner? Remember the nerves and the excitement?

Do you remember how in the beginning each time you kissed the passion gained intensity? You could almost feel the fire burn between you, right?

Ok, so what happened?

At this point in your relationship you've likely rounded the proverbial bases more times than you can count. So why are you skipping first base? As relationships progress couples kiss with less passion, and often kiss less often. When is the last time you had a teenagesque make-out session? Oooh, its been that long, has it? Ok, let me help you remedy that situation. Read on...


Did you know that saliva contains the hormone testosterone which triggers libido? It totally does. And the more time you spend kissing the more likely you are to be primed for sex which will make for a more intense sexual experience. Sounds good, right? Just wait, it gets better...

Get creative with your kissing. You've got two sets of lips and two tongues involved. Use them all to your advantage. Start kissing him softly, gently, lightly suck on his upper lip. He will probably try to slip you the tongue, but don't let him.....yet. Keep him waiting, and keep him wanting it. Wait until he's all fired up, then let your tongues explore.

Sweeten the deal. Have him feed you some fresh, juicy strawberries. Eat one before your make out session. The strawberry will activate the sweetness receptors in the mouth, so when you kiss your sense of taste will go into overdrive!

Give him the chills. Slap on some minty lip balm before planting one on him. Menthol triggers the body's cold receptors, so when that is combined with your warm breath you'll feel a tingly sensation from your lips down to your naughty bits. Just a word of caution: menthol can irritate sensitive skin below the belt. If you're planning on giving each other some lip action down there you may want to skip the minty lip balm. Instead try a swig of champagne or seltzer. The fizzy will give you a similar sensation.

In the rough. Put your hand around the nape of his neck and pull him to you and lay one on him. Slowly get more aggressive with your kiss. Let the passion build. Rake your fingers down his neck. Gently pull at his bottom lip with your teeth. Tug at his hair. Get the fire burning with just a kiss.

So, the next time he comes in for a smooch surprise him and throw yourselves into a frenzied makeout session. It'll likely lead to fireworks for you later! So, what have you got to lose?

Happy smooching!

xoxo
L

Lost: One Libido

We all dream about being that woman - at least for a night. That naughty little vixen who grabs her guy mid cocktail party for a quickie in the coat closet, who will plan a vacation around the best skinny dipping spots and who has tried all of the positions on the "guaranteed to drive him wild" list and loved them all. Even if you were that sex kitten once upon a time these days your libido may be as lifeless as a dorm room houseplant.

Rest assured you are not alone. Recent surveys show that one in three women have reported a low sexual desire - that's nearly 40million American women! While men can pop a little blue pill, us ladies can't quick-fix our low drives. For us, there is more to a low libido than just blood flow.

The good news: once you identify possible causes for your lukewarm libido you can start to look at yourself, not just physically, to home in on a solution.

Trust is the best aphrodisiac.

Guys have it pretty easy when it comes to arousal: guy gets turned on, penis takes over, brain shuts down and enjoyment ensues. We, however, do not have it quite so easily. For us to even fell the slightest bit of arousal our heads need to be in the game, and until it is, guys, you do not get to put your head in our game. Got it? Even women who show the physical signs of being turned on below the belt, if their head isn't in it they aren't going to feel very much.

For many women sex is just one more thing to think about. We are very aware that it is an important part of a relationship, however at the end of an already long day it is one more thing to occupy space in our heads, which doesn't exactly help with the "oh baby" factor. This is particularly true with women who are naturally over thinkers and/or naturally more anxious than others. To help her warm her libido up she needs to know she can trust you and you're going to be supportive and understanding of her. Just because you may be in the mood does not mean the timing is right for her. If you're in the mood and she's not either let it go, or go have a hot shower and a date with the Palmetta twins. You being in the mood while she isn't is not a free pass to pounce on her anyway. She needs to trust that you will respect her when she isn't quite in the game.

Cure it with Confidence

For many women not all low libidos are caused by anxiety. Low self esteem can be the biggest buzzkill for many women. Add to this the fact that many women approach sex from the wrong angle: we've been inundated with the notion that sex is for him and about his needs, and not our own.

We have also had it beat into our heads what sexy looks like - which is usually 5'11", big boobed, legs up to her chin and not a jiggle to be found anywhere on her body (because those boobs are fake so they don't jiggle either). We need to reprogram our way of thinking to realize that the anorexic look of the models in magazines, on our computer screens and on TV are not realistic. Why? Because most of us enjoy food on a regular basis. And because who's to say my 5'6" jiggly self isn't knock-out sexy? Sexy comes in a wide variety of packages. Embrace yours. And love yourself for who you are, right now, in this moment. You're worth it, you really are. And always remember: YOU'RE HOT!

Build it with Bondage
(not that kind of bondage....focus for a second, would ya)

Sometimes its not anxiety or hormones that cause a lady's sex drive to nosedive. Sometimes life just gets in the way, especially if life has managed to throw you a mother of a curve ball that you weren't quite able to duck out of the way from.

Most women agree sex is about connection. So when something major in your life happens, your emotions take over, walls go up it is pretty difficult to connect with your partner.

Guys, if your lady is going through a rough patch here is a tip for you: nurture her. Do not pressure her. Do not give her ultimatums. Be gentle with her for awhile. Bond with her (see, this is where the bondage part comes in). Just be OK with simply spending time with her without having to get naked or expecting a BJ from her - sometimes you do have to do nice things for her and not expect anything in return. Eventually she will make sex a priority again and will be more apt to want it. And when she does want it that thing about being gentle I mentioned just a moment ago still applies. Sex for us girls is hugely emotional, and if she has been working through some tough life stuff now is not the time for kinky, weird, acrobatic sex. Play nicely with her, she'll appreciate it.


xoxo
L

The Female O: 101

First let me start with: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!
Whether you're attached or are a roaming single, I hope you all felt loved today!

Now, class is in session.

Diving into a cool lake on a scorching day.
Biting into a gooey pizza when you're starving.
Getting your wallet back with all its contents after losing it.

These are all good things. Know what else we can add to that list?

Orgasms.

Yup, they're that good.

And its a shame they don't happen more often.
Surveys show only 25% of women climax every single time. The rest of us are either hit or miss depending on the night, or we don't climax at all during intercourse (you can lump me in to the never column, sadly). Compare that to the 90% of men that get their rocks off 100% of the time. It seems the female O is a fleeting phenomenon. Seriously, Mother Nature, what the hell?

When you are in the throes of passion you're not likely going to notice if your dog, cat or your parakeet starts rearranging the furniture, never mind you taking notice of the changes in your body as you near orgasm. So its no wonder we don't know whats going on when an orgasm hits. Thankfully there are sexperts out there who have done some research for us.

As you become turned on the blood flow in the pelvic region is increased, breathing speeds up, heart rate increases, nipples become erect and the lower part of the vagina narrows to grip the penis while the upper part expands to give it some place to go: if all goes well (ie: the phone doesn't ring and your partner knows what he is doing) an incredible amount of muscle and nerve tension builds up in the genitals, buttocks, pelvis and thighs - until your body involuntarily releases it all at once in a series of intensely pleasurable waves: aka: your orgasm.

The big bang is the moment when the uterus and vagina contract simultaneously in 0.8second intervals. A small orgasm may consist of 3-5 contractions, while a biggun 10-15.

And those sessions when you just can't seem to quite get there? It is usually because the woman hasn't gotten enough continuous clitoral stimulation. Since the clitoris is packed with nerve endings, this one little spot can be the difference between a hit or a miss. It is also helpful if you're relaxed when your sack session starts. If you're tense and stressed you're not likely to hit the home run. Have a hot, steamy shower, a glass of wine then get to it.

Don't let your O fall by the wayside. He's not the only one who should be getting their jollies, us ladies deserve them too!

xoxo
L

Slippery When Wet

Ok, before I jump into this post I would like to apologize for the excessive absence. Life got in the way and a few things took a seat on the back burner. I'm back, and hopefully Av isn't too far behind me!

Lube. Too much of it or too little of it can make a sack session a flop. But, just the right amount will boost your down-there sensations.

Lubrication is your body's way of telling you you are turned on and good to go. Without it, comfortable, successful sex just isn't going to happen.

Every woman's body is different and therefore lubricates differently. There is no normal amount. But if you find yourself drier than the Sahara even when you're ready to jump his bones, don't worry. Figuring out why will help you both enjoy a smooth ride.

Many women complain of down-there dryness. The common cause? Rushing through foreplay. Don't dive in for the main course if you aren't fully aroused. Its got bad news written all over it and will only lead to painful, uncomfortable sex, and possibly yeast infections. Fun, eh?

Even if you don't have an issue self lubricating, many women reported having better sex after using store-bought lube. It seems the extra slip made sex more satisfying. If you want to give a store bought lube a try look for a water-based option, over silicone, petroleum, or oil. Most couples prefer it, and its safe for use with a condom.

Remember, a little lube goes a long way. You don't need to slather it on. It may take a bit of trial and error to figure out what amount works for you. Start sparingly and increase if needed.

Want to try lube? Give these ones a whirl....

Turn up the heat with K-Y Brand Warming Liquid. It claims to produce a gentle warming (not hot!) sensation. Just double-check your guy's love glove: The liquid is recommended for use with latex condoms only.

Flavored lubes like dessert-y BabeLicious or herb-and flower-infused Good Clean Love, an eco-friendly pick, take the "job" out of a BJ. Since they're glycerin-free, he won't have to rinse off presex.

Make bathtime lots of fun with Sex in the Shower Silicone Lubricant. The slick stuff won't wash away during shower, pool, or tub nooky. Bonus tip: The label can be easily peeled off for added discretion.

xoxo
L

Why Women Don't Like Porn

Ok boys, we know. Watching porn is probably part of your regular routine. But, most women rarely watch it, if at all.

Have you ever wondered why your lady doesn't spend hours scouring the internet looking for dirty movies like you do? Have you asked her to watch with you and have found it turns you on but leaves her cold? Here are some of the reasons why she doesn't like porn like you do....

Porn is Visual
Most porn is geared to appeal to the senses of the men in the world. A man's sexuality is cued by visual stimulation, while a woman's is more emotional. This is why the very little porn that is made for women is more story-line based, as opposed to arbitrary sex scenes. For women, it is more important that the sex be part of the bigger picture. In porn, foreplay is a foreign language and the actors jump straight into the (often extreme) sex.

Porn Actors are Ugly
Let's be honest: the only important part of the male anatomy in porn is the penis. Which is why there are very few attractive men in porn. In fact some male actors are down right ugly (Ron Jeremy, anyone?) And when it comes to female actors not many women out there appreciate the fake boobs, the collagen filled lips, and the stick thin figures.

Porn is Contrived
Women are less tolerant of the situations shown in porn. More often than not the people having sex on the screen don't even seem to like each other. The old "in and out" may be good enough for you, but it won't be for her. She will likely respond better to characters that actually seem to like each other. She won't be expecting Oscar worthy performances from these actors, but a little sexual tension can go a long way.

Porn is Degrading
There are somethings you have to watch in porn because your girlfriend would never agree to do them in real life, right? And it is probably those things she finds degrading and disgusting. Most women do not enjoy facials, rough anal, ATM, or gagging oral, so you watch porn to "get" those things.

Porn is Slutty
Women are not as encouraged as men are to be sexual. For fear of being called nasty names women are hesitant to show too much sex drive or to admit to getting pleasure from things like pornography. If she is reluctant to watch porn because she thinks its slutty, ease her into it with something more geared toward couples, or women.

She's Just Not That Into It
There are many things about porn that do not play to the woman's senses, they don't mesh with a woman's sexuality. Which is why many women don't watch porn. If you know what she likes and are willing to put in some effort you may just find something you can enjoy and share on screen. Just a suggestion: lean more towards erotica, it will play more to our sexuality.

....Why women prefer erotica....

You may be wondering what the difference is. Porn is a graphic sexual image, that conjures up an animalistic reaction. You'll like it or you won't. Erotica is also a graphic sexual image, but it has more to it than just the raw sex - be it artistic, be it passion, or it may parlay into a sexual fantasy you imagined for yourself. It is less in your face.

As I mentioned earlier we prefer story lines, foreplay and a bit of romance, which we don't get from traditional porn. Erotica gives that to us. And if we happen to like our erotica in book form you can imagine the scenarios anyway you like in your head. You can imagine yourself being there. You can see the stories in your mind, imagine them playing out, taking shape and unfolding. In porn, its all laid out for you. There is no imagination. It is already in your face.

Porn is generally made for men. It serves its purpose just fine for you. But erotica goes deeper than that. It appeals more to women. It is for women, often written by women.

There is a story, there is often a bit of romance, and there is definitely sexual tension. All these things cue directly to a woman's sexuality.

xoxo
L

New Things Men Don't Know About Women

Not necessarily related to the overall topic of this blog, but fun and entertaining just the same....

1) We get to pick the baby names, and it won't be your mother's maiden name. McNamara is a terrible name for a baby.

2) One of the most chivalrous things you can do is let us have the last piece of bacon.

3) Black coffee is sexy. Bringing us black coffee in bed is sexy too.

4) We kinda wish we could chest bump too.

5) "What would Chuck Norris Do?" is not a logical nor rational way of thinking.

6) Make your bed on a daily basis and change your sheets once a week. That odd goat-like smell you get will remind us of our smelly little brothers and will therefore mean you will be sleeping alone.

7) We like beer too, but don't let it take up too much room in our fridges. If you want chilled beer all the time get a mini fridge.

8) Flowers are great, but its not always just the flowers themselves. Giving us flowers shows you were thinking of us, and we love that.

9) When we ask how we look you lose points everytime you answer with "fine".

10) If we can make it through the entire first date without seeing what color your phone case is, there is a chance we may just fall in love.

11) If you call the movies "the cinema" we will laugh. And laugh some more.

12) We like being asked on a proper date.

13) Shoes always fit, which explains the constantly full closets.

14) Snuggling can fix just about anything. Really, it can.

15) If we're at a sports bar during a big game, don't hit on us. We're watching the game.

16) While the idea is a romantic one please don't write us poetry or music, unless writing is part of your regular job description.

17) We love that you are stronger than us and can reach stuff off the top shelf.

18) A deep voice. Some stubble. Yum.

xoxo
L